Just A Giddy Gal

I’ve not been writing so much lately. I tend to go through seasons of being excited about certain things (i.e. blogging and journaling) then after a very little while let that excitement trail off and be not so exciting anymore. My fervent bones have become lazy bones and I’ve cared not to take the time to fight through the lowly moments of not wanting to scribble my thought. But oh, how there has been much going on in my little heart! I will write all about that which is most exciting and his name is Jake Pearce.

I don’t know that I have ever felt this way about a fella, or any other human for that matter. I find myself wishing I were with him when I am not, and am so thankful for the moments we spend together. I love most everything about him: his beard, his lips, his arms, his truck, his thoughts and mostly his heart. We have opened the smooching door, and let me tell ya, it’s a really fun door to have opened. I’ve not ever kissed anyone, other than my mother of course, and it’s almost the most wonderful thing I have ever experienced.

I could talk about this magical loveliness forever, so I have therefore spent much worthy time in prayer, confessing my desperation to Jesus to help us A) not prioritize kissin ’ over one another’s love for Christ and B) not be anymore curious to explore one another and enter into sin. What gives me much hope is the gospel in itself as Jesus has given me the greatest gift in allowing my foolish heart to understand the beauty of his having died in my place to consider me righteous before him, therefore breaking the bonds of my flesh from her slavery to sin and arming me to fight against it. With Doxa Community Church and the relationships within have I been given much wisdom and care which influence me to understand both the darkness of falling into sin and the help to talk through and allow the Holy Spirit to direct our hearts before knowing that detrimental plunge.

Jake and I are both sinners. Deh. We will sin against one another, against our friends, and against God. And that is a heartbreaking reality. I want not to hurt Jake, my friends, or my Savior. I want not to take advantage of the grace I’ve been given but want to remember Jesus before I fall into shame. But I am an incredibly imperfect human, one who sins and hurts and oftentimes chooses self over anyone else. But we, that is, me and my guy, are trying hard to avoid the sins that are fondling and sexting and perverting; because when done outside of the union of marriage, Jesus calls those things sin. Knowing how easy it is to, you know, do the dirty as two humans fall into the L-word, we have rightly emphasized our attempts to avoid the physical darkness (don’t tell him I publicly brought up that L-word. We’ve not confessed it to one another… J).

And so I am immensely thankful for growing in a crazy-awesome relationship with this guy, and am so blessed by my friends to be prayerful for us. Because while I reeeeally do look forward to smoochin’, I more so look forward to talking with him. I love so much getting to know his heart; to see how much he loves Jesus is so beneficial. He reminds me to pray and is curious about the thoughts and attitudes of my heart, even when they’re ugly. He is intentional about learning more about who I am (I’m incredibly thankful to Pastor Brian for advising us to continue to be intentional about our emotional, intellectual and spiritual growth). He buys me tea so we can go out and chat but not spend billions. He talks about his attempts to mortify sin and to give no room for justifying troubles of the flesh. He guides our discussions, motivating good ones. What a guy, I’ve got.

This fearfully familiar feeling that I’ve not ever felt before is quite incredible, and all I wanna do it talk to Jake Pearce all about it! I know that we won’t always be in the honeymooner stage, but let me tell ya; life is beautiful.