Reach Out, You Sinner

I have been thinking a lot about my Doxa Community Church. We had community group on Tuesday, and it is there where we share life intentionally, prayerfully, and vulnerably  I always leave feeling cared for, and am thankful to Jesus for the church He allows me to grow with. Most weeks, I do fear the deep, challenging discussions I know we will struggle through. But I do trust that it is for the good of those who love Jesus and call Doxa their home. As Elder Ryan Strieby said, community is the heart beat of Doxa, and so, even when messy, we strive to glorify the good God who has made Himself known to us by His Holy Bible with one another. The togetherness of our church fam not only encourages one another to be stirred up unto becoming like Jesus, but also weaves out the common assumptions that any of us, mostly myself, can make about who we want Jesus to be. So though my human heart wants to decide for myself what is best for my life, God has given me people to help me discern what is truly best, and that which is best for me is also obedient to Christ.
With that, I want more and more folks to share in that. I desire so badly for more people to come and learn about who Jesus truly is, and join us in living to glorify Him.
Just a short time ago, we were unsure of whether Doxa would make it. For three years we saw little to no growth, and God finally woke us up to our foolish laziness of failed evangelism. So there was a close possibility that we would fold, and be Doxa Community Church no longer. The almost reality was heartbreaking as I love my church dearly. And to know I had been a catalyst to her potential failure in my stubbornness made my stomach churn.
With lots of long talks of what needs to be done, we have been more evangelistic and God has grown our baby church some! People, people! Doxa is bigger than she was a year ago. Quite obviously, we get not to boast but will revel in the grace of God to his peculiar little bride. And! We must evangelize onward! But this is tough for lazy folk. For myself, at least, I want to rest... even though I didn't work so hard. I got what I wanted, and so I am entitled to being pathetic.
How disgusting is my soul? I take Gods glory for myself rather than praising Him for the blessings He has exposed to me. And still, He is patient and gracious to me. By revealing the reality of my heart, I am made able to ask for forgiveness and prayerfully rely on His goodness to keep on that evangelizing and outreaching, so that people in Renton might come to know this Jesus who has radically saved my wretched heart from her all-too-natural patterns of harm. Whoever they are, maybe they will come to community group one day; maybe they will allow Doxa to be the place where they become more like Jesus. Maybe they will allow the man who died on the cross to relate with them, and allow Him to be their righteousness. Oh, the hopes I have!
To combat my sinful flesh in an attempt to truly become a servant of Christ, making disciples in the place He has called me to, I have got this idea to host a Food Drive with Renton's Salvation Army. Sure, I must grow some in my adulthood enough to coordinate with a few public places to be a convenient pick up spot for food donations so there are some kinks to be worked out. And so I will pray hard that some will be encouraged by the work of our baby church to be in the community for community, and mostly for the sake of Jesus Christ. He suffered much, which is quite encouraging for the fear and laziness I can, because of Himself, overcome.

Jesus > Boyfriends

I missed Jake a lot today. Probably because he told me he missed me, and that opened the door to my missing, because I am a sad gal who is easily swayed my the emotions of others (something I must be prayerfully careful about!). So I spent my day being lonely and glum, because it is easy to idolize the relationship I have with my fella. In my pride, I do not want to admit idolatry. I want to believe that I can easily love Jesus more passionately than Jake. And though I do not consider spending much thought and prayer on our relationship to be bad, I know, too, that it is dangerous to terminate my thoughts on only ourselves. And today, I had a hard time not being lowly in that my soul had missed my boyfriend -- dundundun; that is a red flag, I think!! God is gracious to have convicted quickly. But still, even in my lazy sin, I selfishly took my time to allow that conviction to weigh heavily enough to repent. ((How broken I am suddenly to remember my potent foolishness. How much I deserve not to even have a boyfriend who points me to Jesus more than anyone ever has; because still I fail at allowing my soul to be pointed. This is when I pause and pray hard in my plea for underserved forgiveness.))
Because it was Monday, my weak heart was relieved since Jake and I would see each other. On this day each week, many of us from Doxa Community Church get together to grow in evangelism and encouragement for one another. Then we practice hatred by working out together. Pastor Brian leads us in a work out -- it has been only an hour since we left ze gym and I am already sore from our action-packed session!
When we finally got to talking though, there was the “wait-I-thought-we-missed-eachother...why-are-you-doing-that“ kind of exchange, which put a damper on that previously known I-miss-you excitement. I will say it straight, it was I who dampered. So when communicating gets tough, Jake gets overwhelmed. And when Jake gets overwhelmed, I get overwhelmed (let us quickly establish the fact that I am not the rational-est when I am whelmed). So there was some bickering. When we got into the car to head to the gym, I somehow became even moreso of a pill. Chicks are sometimes high-maintenance and that is what I was. Oops.
Because Jesus is our Savior, and mercifully loves us, we get to work out those blips, and work them out we did. Plus, I always somehow love him more when we come out of our little tiffs; I feel like we are stronger when we reach the resolution. Jake is always willing and leads well in that resolve. What a man, he is.
And since he left that gym to go to work, I have missed him already. Because I am lame, and it is often hard to fight my easy feelings of wanting to be with him all the time. And so, I will pray to grow in my love for Jesus Christ as He has been so good to open my eyes to my foolishness because He is glorious.