Jesus > Boyfriends

I missed Jake a lot today. Probably because he told me he missed me, and that opened the door to my missing, because I am a sad gal who is easily swayed my the emotions of others (something I must be prayerfully careful about!). So I spent my day being lonely and glum, because it is easy to idolize the relationship I have with my fella. In my pride, I do not want to admit idolatry. I want to believe that I can easily love Jesus more passionately than Jake. And though I do not consider spending much thought and prayer on our relationship to be bad, I know, too, that it is dangerous to terminate my thoughts on only ourselves. And today, I had a hard time not being lowly in that my soul had missed my boyfriend -- dundundun; that is a red flag, I think!! God is gracious to have convicted quickly. But still, even in my lazy sin, I selfishly took my time to allow that conviction to weigh heavily enough to repent. ((How broken I am suddenly to remember my potent foolishness. How much I deserve not to even have a boyfriend who points me to Jesus more than anyone ever has; because still I fail at allowing my soul to be pointed. This is when I pause and pray hard in my plea for underserved forgiveness.))
Because it was Monday, my weak heart was relieved since Jake and I would see each other. On this day each week, many of us from Doxa Community Church get together to grow in evangelism and encouragement for one another. Then we practice hatred by working out together. Pastor Brian leads us in a work out -- it has been only an hour since we left ze gym and I am already sore from our action-packed session!
When we finally got to talking though, there was the “wait-I-thought-we-missed-eachother...why-are-you-doing-that“ kind of exchange, which put a damper on that previously known I-miss-you excitement. I will say it straight, it was I who dampered. So when communicating gets tough, Jake gets overwhelmed. And when Jake gets overwhelmed, I get overwhelmed (let us quickly establish the fact that I am not the rational-est when I am whelmed). So there was some bickering. When we got into the car to head to the gym, I somehow became even moreso of a pill. Chicks are sometimes high-maintenance and that is what I was. Oops.
Because Jesus is our Savior, and mercifully loves us, we get to work out those blips, and work them out we did. Plus, I always somehow love him more when we come out of our little tiffs; I feel like we are stronger when we reach the resolution. Jake is always willing and leads well in that resolve. What a man, he is.
And since he left that gym to go to work, I have missed him already. Because I am lame, and it is often hard to fight my easy feelings of wanting to be with him all the time. And so, I will pray to grow in my love for Jesus Christ as He has been so good to open my eyes to my foolishness because He is glorious.