newlygaged

I really wish I had been journaling more about our engagement thus far, but everything has been such a whirl! I still cannot believe that Jake asked me to be his forever gal. I am the blessedest lady to get to be his wife, and to have him as my husband!! And!! I just want to use exclamation points all the time!!! Sure, the I've-never-been-naked jitters have set in, as well as the heightened lust and willingness to explore my fiance. Alas, our fight has become stricter, challenging our love to be true in her growth until...you know.
But in comes the wedding planning. I think I thought Id be better at this than I am. I really am bad at the planning. I just want there to be a party; I don't want to spend the money, to book the things that are to be booked, to have to be disciplined in my communication. I wish I didn't have to buy a glamorous dress; I am already afraid of everyone anticipating their seeing me. I am, though, confident that Jake will have my eyes, that I will see only him, that literally becoming his wife will be the best and biggest thought in my heart. Of that fact, warmth fills my insides. But then the need to book a caterer, and photographer, and florist, and on and on and on... that crap freaks me out. So I have been alittle crazed. And its only been one month! Yikes. Lucky for me, Jake gets overwhelmed too. What a pair, we are :)
We did have our first premarital counseling session last night! It was wonderful. Our future marriage was actually tangible as we listened and talked through what it will be to reconcile and forgive one another. Sure, knowing I wont do well as I adjust to the ultimate togetherness did jumble my fears. There was, though, and incredible, hopeful excitement, to share these things with the love of my life. And so, last night was the first time my heart has been convinced of becoming the wife of the most incredible man I've ever known.