Rollerblading Life Away

The drive from Maple Valley to my house in Renton is pretty awesome. Next to the highway there is a popular paved trail where people often jog, bike ride and even intensely rollerblade. I’ve seen multiple couples, all decked out in knee and elbow pads, race with angry faces. It’s quite entertaining to know that people like to flirt by rollerblading. I can’t wait to have a fella…

I’ve been house sitting in Maple Valley and have been experiencing the long drive quite often. My bank account isn’t as intrigued as I’ve spent an incredible amount of money on gas. Fuel expenses aside, it isn’t as wonderful this time (I stayed at this house last December). Six months ago I had reveled in the solitude of the practically empty house. Other than Joey Dog, I’m the only one. I felt so responsible to be maintaining a large living space by myself; the darkness of that solitude was exciting and dangerous (is it sad that that’s what I consider to be exciting and dangerous?). This beloved loneliness had harsh effects on my desire for the sharing of life with other people, an important pursuit that has become a beautiful vitality. I became significantly and wrongfully dependant on myself and my selfishness therefore flourished. Unfortunately, moving back home after two weeks was hard; it took a few months to get back to the realistic normalcy of living with other people. Because of my faulted ability to remember important things I forgot about the pain I caused my truly wonderful roommates and before considering their wisdom I agreed to living in Maple Val again. Brain and Morgan voiced their concern of my temporary living situation and because I’m a lady I was alittle offended. They didn’t have much hope for me (because they know me better than I do) and told me hard things that have made me want to prove them wrong. So I’ve fought hard to be present at my Renton house.

Yesterday was Tuesday. Tuesday Nights are Community Group Nights. So I got off work, ran to my house-sitting-house to feed Joey and let him pee then raced to my house to get there and quickly relax before the 6:30 start time. When everyone arrived we moved to the back porch to sit in the shade so the kiddos could play outside in the sun. Pastor Brian asked that we all get a pen and paper (or an iPad) to write down a letter-formatted prayer to Jesus. I don’t think I was the only one who was uncomfortable with this idea as it took a few minutes for each of us to actually start the activity. For fifteen minutes I wrote, trying to stay disciplined in my attempt to pray rather than guard my written thoughts with my hand so no one else could read what I had to say. I hadn’t needed to scribble those thoughts for too long to realize the foreign feeling of acutally praying. I felt much conviction coming before Jesus to admit that my motivation for being in a good place does not measure up with my desire to obey and glorify Him. Instead, I’ve fought to be in community for the sole reason of proving that I can house sit without spiritually regressing. Psh I’m dumb, for reals. That very intention of my heart is that which enables my spiritual regression. My efforts have been prayerless, obviously, and I’ve relied on what I consider to be my own power to do a good job of honoring my roommates while house sittin' in order to appear more selfless than last time. The nature of my heart is so willingly blinded.

Contrary to that which I considered beforehand, I’m so thankful that I had to write the letter. The Holy Spirit brought me to light of my foolishness and rememberance of the wonderful intimacy of relationship with Him. I was also able to grown in understanding of and affection for the people around me by hearing them read their letters. I had been pretty ashamed and annoyed when Brian told me to read my letter aloud but was quickly relieved when I finished and got to hear the honest words of my Doxa Family. Since planting Doxa Community Church we've been exposed to much pain, encouragement, and vulnerability unto the benefit of others and I’m overwhelmed by God’s grace in allowing me to take part, even as I so consistently choose the fatal allure of my sin.

Here’s’ to hoping for reliance on Christ through the people God has blessed me with next time there is an opportunity to house sit…