A foxy gent came into my workplace today. Let me express my fervent excitement as there aren’t many fellas I’m initially attracted to in said place. I work in a town that isn’t so glam where the men are more ladylike and pathetic, coming in and demanding free fries – who ever heard of such a thing? No offense to them as I’m sure they are pleasant elsewhere but I like a guy who is nice to humans and is real manly. You know; good facial hair, nice arms, outgoing. I think this is mostly because I don’t have facial hair, my arms are so weak, and I’m kinda quiet when I first meet someone. I like the contrast, makes for good balance and that’s what I’m about.
Soooo I didn’t ever learn his name nor did I invite him to know mine but the wedding I planned in my brain was beautiful. I’ve found as I’ve grown up and considered myself eager to find a fella that I like guys who are intelligent. And this one is a UW graduate. Cha-ching! I’ve also noticed that I am a shallow, typical girl who wants to feel the security of the heighty pay-check. Now I understand that that’s not particularly vital as I dream of being a young, strugglin' married couple within the first few years of being married. But let’s be honest, I want to feel taken care of. Also, he had a deep voice, wore a cool watch, and spoke passionately of his truck. Mmmm, manly. Oh how I hoped that the multiple counts of eye-contact we encountered would encourage him to flirt with me a bit! Too bad I’m so cowardly and avoided any further interaction; didn’t give him a chance. And it’s not really likely that such a prestigious gentleman would cross paths with a floofy waitress (especially when my having woken up late influenced my having forgotten to apply the eye-liner). That’s like Jennifer Aniston dating my brother: Not. Gonna. Happen.
This seemingly silly event has been another catalyst to the realization of my heart’s faultiness. I prefer cultural masculinity (which isn’t necessarily bad but should by no means be ultimate) to biblical masculinity. Make me feel secure with your previously mentioned nice arms and facial hair and I’m yours (not really, I’ve been single forever!). I’ve been privileged to come to this understanding with the help of those in my Doxa Community and am still thinking through the detriment of my foolish desires. I’m praying and hoping for growth into the lady that Christ saved me to be, for eventually acquiring desires that are wholly God-glorifying and Christ like as I’ve been mysteriously granted the most beautiful example and the most gracious substitution. God is crazy good and because of Him I have much hope.
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